I need to find a way to feel peace in the evening, with the morning encroaching, and feelings of inadequacy, but somehow to feel it is part of a peaceful life, even though I am in a rush to do what I cannot because I work for someone else, not myself.
The full pull together of the much, so much to cover, more to do, but something on it every day, the dream continues, to be indexed and found, appreciated, and earn enough to do more. Each day, hitting it as hard as I can, much more to learn and accomplish.
So much being done now with the systems I have - so it was not a waste to buy these computers, this excellent monitor.
How does one become an expert: by reading. So much to know and experience. More to write and dream. I have this great place, also a path. The weather has been excellent. We went to the fair. We have not gone apple picking as we’d like. In Maine I went long ago with the waitress and her husband. My Brazilian girlfriend made apple pies and much else. My wife would do well with a bushel of apples. That is how it used to be.
I would like to stay here for an extra hour, not to rush in. But first I must take a spa and get ready as if I were going to leave on time. Then, if luxury permits, a rest.
Deep dream about Andrea. Jon was there, a place in Europe - Dave was there - Tricia was as well. I journeyed there - finally arrived. The thing was, Andrea was distant compared, not mine, sleeping in Jon’s bed, but them not close, I was, it took time, hard to lose myself in that, to forget this, my family, couldn’t.
The upshot was, I couldn’t go back in time. Things I said, didn’t make sense.