I spoke with Jana today, and what a talk: relating the pervading nothingness and despair to what we see and hear every day at practically all levels. About the conversation, Jana said: “I want to talk with someone who will listen to me and understand my point of view and then have a different point of view to add.” It made quite an impression on me, our conversation and for some reason I hope that it made quite an impression on her. We talked about sincerity, about sex, about drugs, and about alcohol. Jana is good at giving examples and I think that I am too. We talked about the sense of nothingness and about what people do to fill the void they feel. By different I don’t think she meant necessarily opposing.
I wouldn’t mind being friends with Jana. I’m not out for a girlfriend, just a friend. I’m out for several friends; I think they’re important. I’ve seen myself get sucked into physical relationships and I don’t like the results. The romance stuff usually ends up to be just stuff.
I haven’t studied today but I’ve done a lot of other things:
- I’ve had a real conversation with a nice person.
- I’ve started a load of white laundry.
- I’ve chosen my short term course of study.
- I’m about to have a Faculty/Student committee meeting.
- I swam this morning.
- I ate good food.
- I read interesting and helpful pamphlets.
- I’ve written in my notebook.
- I’ve listened to good music.
Of these things, most were valuable; they filled my day and I’m glad I did them.
I will start living according to what I believe, according to my soul. I will start doing what I know to be important.